The “Condom Talk” And Your Teenager

My first-born son just turned 11 months old today. When he was still in my stomach and we were eagerly preparing his nursery, my husband and I would constantly talk about his future. Where would he go to college? Would we send him to public school or private school? At what age would we buy him his first car? Who would be the one to give him “the talk?” Now that he is out of my stomach and learning to walk and giving ladies the “sexy eyes,” I have decided that the “condom talk” will not be necessary because I do not ever want him to leave the house and begin dating. Will I become that mother-in-law every daughter-in-law dreads? If you are a little more put-together than me and have decided that “the talk” is, indeed, in your near future, here are a few tips to help you through this anxious (and dreaded) moment.

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is delaying the talk. Many parents get so anxious even thinking about the talk, they simply put it off and hope that somehow, someway their teenager is learning about sex. With television shows and movies making thousands of sexual references a year, your teenager IS learning about sex. But if you are not taking the time to teach them about sex, what values are they gleaning from various shows and movies and their friends? How many movies actually show two people about to embark on a sexual relationship stop to discuss their sexual history or to open up a condom package? How many teenagers do you think are fully versed on the various sexually transmitted diseases? As a parent, you must be readily available and willing to have the talk with your teenager. Reports show that parents who actually have “the talk” with their children have teenagers who hold off on sex longer than those teenagers whose parents never discussed sex with them.

With over 40% of teenagers admitting to being sexually active, it is never too early to start talking about sex. As adults, we know that sex is a natural progression of an intimate relationship. With that being said, when speaking of sex with your teenager, do not make your discussion of sex turn into a discussion of how sexual thoughts are shameful or forbidden in hopes that your teenager will stop thinking about sex altogether. You want to be open with your teenager; you do not want to make them feel unnatural for harboring the sexual thoughts they are more than likely already having. You want to arm your children with knowledge before they choose to become sexually active, not after they already have.

Do not feel that you have to come to “the talk” armed with charts, graphs, statistics and figures. While you will want to be prepared for any question your teenager may have about sex, you do not need to know every single fact about STDs and condoms so that you end up overwhelming your teenager. With all the talk about sex they are being exposed to on a daily basis, including from friends and television, teenagers might already be feeling overwhelmed. Teenagers need to know they can easily come to their parents with any questions they might have.

Be sure to speak with your teenager about the advantages of remaining abstinent. By holding off on sex until they are emotionally ready, they are decreasing their risk of having an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. Also, teenagers who practice abstinence until they are ready to have sex have a higher sense of self-worth since they have learned to value their bodies.