Teenage Sex Talks

I saw a recent Facebook status of a friend of mine that spoke of a teenaged boy who came knocking at her front door to visit with her teenaged daughter. She was amazed at the restraint her husband had at not knocking the young man to the curb for having the audacity to ask to spend time with his daughter. My daughter is only two and my son will be four this year but the thought of one day having to sit them down to have “the talk” terrifies me. In fact, my friends can attest to the fact that I have often said I want my son to be the first Baptist priest and my daughter to be the first Baptist nun on record. It could happen. According to a recent survey, parents are not very successful in talking with their teenaged children before their children engage in sex for the first time. In fact, the survey shows that virtually 50% of teenagers already had sex before their parents decided it was time to have “the talk” about birth control options and contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

Even more alarming than that is that teenage boys are more likely than teenage girls to never have the conversation in the first place. Approximately 66% of surveyed boys stated that their parents did not discuss condom use with them before they had their first sexual encounter. In addition, 25% of parents and their teenaged daughters stated that resisting peer pressure to have sex was never discussed. Many parents will admit that these statistics come as no surprise. The survey was conducted through Virginia Commonwealth University, Children’s Hospital Boston and Rand Corporation.

In an interview last year with Mark Schuster, an author in this survey, stated that he was beginning the “Talking Parents, Healthy Teens” program. Schuster is the chief of pediatrics at Children’s Hospital Boston and also one of the authors of “Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask).” During lunch, he offers sessions to parents on how to approach the subject of sex with their own children. His book offers advice on how parents can teach their children to say no when they feel they are being pressured into sex. One fundamental lesson he stresses is that parents should have an open conversation with their children about sex so that their children will feel comfortable discussing this topic with them.

The survey interviewed 141 parents and their teenaged children who were between the ages of 13 and 17 at the time. The survey spanned one year. Results showed that over 50% of the teenagers had not had the “sex talk” about birth control and especially condom use before they began sexual activity. Girls talked to their parents about sex more than boys. Schuster has some basic advice about having the sex talk. He tells parents to set the open dialogue when children are young. When children start asking questions about sexuality, parents should answer the questions honestly and openly so that children learn early on that they can discuss anything with their parents. He also stresses not to do the sex talk in one session. Instead, he urges parents to talk to their children as issues spring up.