Not Tonight, Dear

I think we can admit we’ve all been there…you are lying in bed thinking about how wonderful it will be to finally get a good night’s rest. As your eyes begin to shut and your mind begins its drift to la-la land, you are startled awake by a hand creeping across your boob or a fuzzy leg being thrown over your mid-section. It’s not on your mind, but your partner is sure in the mood for some heat between the sheets. Some of us simply succumb knowing it will be easier to give in than stir the emotional pot while others of us have perfected the “Oh, don’t even touch me right now; you know I’ve got to wake up early tomorrow” scowl. In fact, OnePoll.com recently compiled a list of the best excuses for not having sex and, believe it or not, the old headache excuse is not at the top of the list.

Of those who were brave enough to participate in this study, twenty percent of them admitted to consistently making excuses in order to not have sex. We’ve all heard the old standup routine where the disgruntled and sexually frustrated husband asks “What’s the best way to never have sex again? Get married.” There is a hint, if not a huge fraction, of truth in that. As couples migrate from the courting stage to the long-term relationship to marriage and kids, it seems more often than not that sex gets tossed to the back burner. The OnePoll.com survey had approximately 4,000 British participants and in a surprising twist, males were actually more likely to throw out an excuse to not have sex than women.

The number one excuse for turning down sex for both males and females was the old standby of “I’m too tired.” There were several other excuses that ranked high on the list including, “I’m angry with you,” “I’ve got to get up early in the morning,” “I’m preoccupied with work,” “I’m not in the mood,” “I can hear one of the children” and, my vote for the weirdest high ranked excuse, “You need a shower.” Fifty percent of men suggested that being too tired was their main reason for postponing sex while 75% of women just did not feel in the mood for it.

I can imagine we’ve all been on both sides of the coin in some of these scenarios and can understand that a whole range of emotions gets tapped in situation like this. Guilt for not wanting to have sex when your partner does or disappointment when you’re in the mood and your partner simply turns their back to you and falls asleep. However, bear in mind that there are plenty of reasons when an excuse not to have sex is completely warranted. Some valid excuses include not having a condom and/or forgetting to take a birth control pill, drinking too much and not having your senses intact, having a sexually transmitted disease that you do not want to transmit/contract to/from your potential partner or not really liking/loving the person you are potentially going to have sex with.