Lets Talk About Sex

Talking is always a key factor when it comes to having safe sex. That said, most of us, no matter how propelled into the modern age we claim to be, still find it hard to openly talk about it, much less discuss the intricate details that come along with it.

If you are about to have sex with someone you are also having a relationship with, the better; they will be more inclined to listen to your needs. A partner that truly cares will no doubt pay attention to what you have to say.

Chances are, if you’re dating someone and haven’t had sex yet but thinking about it, your partner is probably thinking about it too. Approaching a topic both of you obviously want to talk about  will bring a great deal of relief to both of you and the two of you closer. Bear in mind that talking about using protection and birth control is personal and private; it is important that both of you are already intimate in a non-sexual way. If you don’t feel a particular closeness to your partner, chances are you probably won’t be comfortable discussing your sexual histories either.

Pick a suitable time and place non-sexual in nature to bring up the subject. Stay out of the bedroom, and avoid picking a time when the both of you are tired, such as after work, and chances are, on the defensive. Doing something together outdoors will help put both your minds at ease. Go for a walk or make a coffee date. The easy going nature of these activities will readily set the mood for flowing and lighthearted conversation, providing the opportunity for both of you to slowly ease into the topic with all guards down.

It’s important that the lines of communication are kept open and honest at all times, enabling the both of you to deal with sensitive subject matters such as STDs and birth control. Educate yourself first before laying it all out on the table, so as to avoid making assumptions. If you are a woman, you should make known to your partner the methods of protection you are comfortable with and those you aren’t. Remember, you are having a discussion, so let your partner have their say in the matter too. Simply ordering your partner to use a condom will come off as forceful and patronizing. Approach it like this, and he or she will take it the wrong way and clam up.

If your partner doesn’t warm up to the idea of using protection, talk to them and try to understand where they’re coming from. People have a variety of reasons why they’re not into using condoms, (i.e. religious beliefs, personal stigma, etc.), but try to be persuasive all the same. Some people view their partners’ need for safe sex as a sign of mistrust. It is crucial at this point in the conversation to refrain from using accusatory words, or raising your voice. Tell your partner it’s not that you don’t trust them; you feel its right to protect the both of you.

If your partner still insists on unsafe sex, it is up to you to make the next move. Mature, consenting adults should be able to freely discuss and accept compromise as a normal component of any functioning relationship. If a partner proves stubborn and unresponsive, it could portray the type of person they are, and you might want to reconsider furthering the relationship. It is crucial for you to remember that regardless how much you care about someone, you should never substitute safe sex for love, or anything else, for that matter.