How to Talk with Partners Resistant to Condoms

In a perfect relationship in a perfect world, when the time was right to take the relationship to the next level, one partner would turn to the other and say, “What kind of condoms do you prefer?” to which the other partner would respond, “You read my mind. I was just about to ask you that.” In the real world, things often play out a little differently. Despite the risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, it is not uncommon for one partner to be very resistant to the use of condoms. Here is a list of the most common reasons a sexual partner will use to not have to sport a condom during sex and ways you can combat their objections

”We might as well not have sex because I won’t be able to feel a thing if I have to wear a condom.” – This has to be the most common objection to condom use, at least amongst the women I know. If I had a nickel for every time I had a girlfriend of mine come up to me and tell me her new guy friend said something like this, my student loans would have been paid up years ago. Having been raised by a father who still keeps a firearm within arm’s reach at all times, this excuse would have seen me walking out the door by the time the sentence was complete; however, for those who want to respond in a more civilized manner and continue with the relationship, simply respond with options. You will want to stand firm on the condom stance, but you can suggest exploring different types of condoms (varying levels of thickness and different lubrications) until you find one that suits you both.

“We didn’t use a condom the last two times. Why start now?” – Ideally, you will want to be consistent with condom use, but if you have not done so, do not simply throw in the condom towel and throw caution to the wind. We all make mistakes, especially in the heat of the moment. Do yourself a favor and get a full workup of tests for STDs and then continue on with the condom use. Let your partner know that you got caught up in the moment, but now that you have had time to reflect, it would benefit you both to use condoms.

“Do you not trust me?” – This is a tough one. You have asked your partner about using condoms when having sex and he/she immediately thinks he/she is being attacked and labeled as somebody who would be unfaithful. Be honest and let your partner know that you have made a strict promise with yourself to always use condoms in all your relationships because you want to protect yourself from pregnancy and STDs. Or you could try being humorous and tell your partner, “Of course I trust you. But it’s possible to have an STD and not even know it.”

Beginning a new sexual relationship is anxious enough without that added worry that your partner refuses to wear condoms. When it comes to your health and your well-being, you must be unyielding in your decision to use condoms. The best you can do is be firm, be humorous and be honest with yourself and your partner.