Approaching a New Partner About Condoms

It all starts off with that shy, knowing glance across the dinner table. Your knees are lightly touching, your hands are intertwined and you know that this is the night you will be taking this relationship to the next level. You feel so comfortable with him and you know this is not just another fly-by-night relationship, so why is your heart beating so fast? Your legs are shaved, your bed sheets are freshly laundered, you have breath mints in your purse, so why the sudden anxiety? You have not had “the condom talk,” that’s why. Approaching a new sexual partner about using condoms can be nerve-wracking, to say the least, so how do you do it gently and swiftly?

For many, talking about using condoms before beginning a sexual relationship is like ordering a drink before the meal – they go hand in hand and progress in a certain order. The thought is if you are comfortable enough to have an intimate sexual relationship, you should be comfortable enough to bring up the topic of condoms. For others, the condom talk is more anxiety-ridden than the sexual act itself. These people might feel that if you bring up the topic of condoms, you are insinuating that the other person is promiscuous and, thus, have no idea where their nether-regions have been and with who.

If you are in the latter category and are hesitant of broaching the subject of condoms, here’s a few things to consider.

*Sexually transmitted diseases can be transferred between partners without evidence of an STD being present. Just because your partner doesn’t have oozing sores over his penis when you are about to have sex doesn’t mean that he is not infected with an STD.
*Remember that poster they had up when you were at school that read, You are not just sleeping with one person, you are sleeping with every person they have ever slept with (and every person that person slept with and so on and so on). That is an unfortunate truth. Because you will never know the sexual history of your current partner’s past partners (and their partners), it is always best to play it safe…consistently.
*When used correctly, condoms are over 99% effective in preventing both pregnancy and the spread of many sexually transmitted diseases.

So, now you know WHY you need to have the condom talk, but how do you go about doing it? Your best bet is not to wait until you are both lying in bed naked and seconds away from actual intercourse. Chances are you have both hinted at taking the relationship to the next (sexual) level, so casually bring it up at that point. Remember, this is not a discussion about whether or not to USE condoms. If you want to have safe sex, it is imperative that you use condoms. Rather, the discussion is to alert your partner that you will not be having sex unless it is with a condom. Be firm in your decision and know how to overcome any objections he/she may have about condom use (i.e. the sensation is not the same with condoms) by being knowledgeable about condoms. There may never be a perfect time to bring up the talk, so take that step to spearhead the discussion. Your health will be glad you did.